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How To: Write Slander
So you've decided to become a politician, eh? Well then, you'd better learn how to slander your opponents! What is slander? This little dictionary beside my computer defines slander as "a false and malicious statement about a person". Of course, everybody knows that slander is for the most part completely true and should be believed without question (although it is almost certainly malicious). This is, of course, unless the slander is about you. Under these circumstances, you must defend yourself to the death, not matter how idiotic your arguments may seem! However, this guide is not being written to tell you how to defend yourself from slander, it is here to tell you how to write it. The Basics First and foremost, it is important you pick a target for your slanderous writing. in general, you should pick somebody who is an easy target, but as you get more confident you may start attacking more difficult foes. For this guide, we will be using Commoncold0. The next thing you need to do is find something about your target that everybody knows anyway. Example: Commoncold0 is a capitalist. Now, it is up to you to point out how bad this fact is by using an appropriate adjective. Example: Commoncold0 is an Evil Capitalist. Notice that both the adjective and the noun have capital letters at the start. This is because all facts must be capitalized by law. Now you need to give an example of something this person has done to prove that they should not be voted for. Example: Commoncold0 is an Evil Capitalist who burned down an orphanage. This is good, but it could be better. it's important in this case to emphasise just how Evil and Capitalist he is. Example: Commoncold0 is an Evil Capitalist who burned down an orphanage for kittens. We're almost done! Don't forget, though, that the perfect slander not only reveals the faults in others but also shows how faultless you or other members of your party are. Example: Commoncold0 is an Evil Capitalist who burned down an orphanage for kittens that Boohistory built. Almost perfect! In the example, it is now clear that a)Commoncold0 is not very nice and b)Boohistory is nice. Can it be improved? Example: Commoncold0 is an Evil Capitalist who burned down an orphanage for kittens that Boohistory built out of bricks and mortar from her own house. Just a little bit more... Example: Commoncold0 is an Evil Capitalist who burned down an orphanage for kittens that Boohistory built out of bricks and mortar from her own house while it was raining. Ta-da! You now have a perfectly factual piece of information that is guaranteed to gain support for you and your party while crippling your foes! Once you have your main idea laid out, you can then be more specific with the details, such as how Commoncold0 used some of his bags of money as kindling or how Boohistory fed gruel to the kittens everyday. The world is your oyster!